September 16th, 2010 
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How To Gain Self Confidence For Real
Author: Adrian Adams
Self confidence is something that can go a long way in helping us achieve our life goals.
There is a distinction between showing self confidence on the outside versus on the inside. You can put on an act of self confidence even on days when you aren’t feeling that way inside. It is hard to do so, however, on a regular basis. And the fact that this is an act can leave you feeling empty due to the insincerity involved.
It is important to be sincere. There are those among your friends and colleagues who might fall for a front, but there are many more than you realize who will see through that. And even those who are a little disingenuous at times themselves will respect you if you are always honest and genuine.
So we’ve established that self confidence is important, but that feigned self confidence and false pride can be detrimental.
But where does self confidence stem from?
Can a person just wake up one day and choose to be confident? The answer is not so simple.
First of all, yes, it is possible to make a choice to evaluate self confidence. A mindset can go a very long way in affecting not only how you feel, but what happens to you. It is said that about 80% of what happens to you depends on you (as opposed to outside stimuli).
On the other hand, no, a simply decision to gain more self confidence is not enough per se. You must believe it, and you must have conviction. You must make it real, you must have faith, and you must believe in yourself. Trit as that cliche always sounds, it always rings true and we all know it.
There is no denying that true self confidence comes from within.
The first step towards real long term self confidence is a belief that you have worth. You must look within yourself and consider the good things about yourself. Focus on those and realize that you are special and unique.
But the real key can be found in the Bible which reminds us that all have sinned. If you keep in mind that no one is perfect and that everyone has insecurities, you will relax and know that people are not better than each other after all. Admire others and aspire to be something more than you are now, but relax and know that your true value as a human being was there at birth and nothing can take that away.
Finally, keep your mind and heart set on positive things at all times; self confidence will be a natural byproduct.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-improvement-articles/how-to-gain-selfconfidence-for-real-329340.html
About the Author
Please visit Finding Help For Alcoholism and A Different Kind of Drug and Alcohol Recovery Center in Texas
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Have done AA and rehab, will hypnosis (self) help with my alcoholism?
Have relapsed after 30 months and drinking again for 4. p.s. CAPE was very helpful– I am a grown up….am trying to snap out of it.
If you are a real alcoholic then hypnosis will not solve your problem – nor will attending AA meetings or rehabs.
If you are merely heavy/problem/hard drinker then either of these can help – although you not be able to become a member of AA. The only solution for real alcoholism is divine intervention – no human being on earth can un-ring a bell.
Divine intervention can be had by having a spiritual awakening through some means such as the Twelve Steps which is specifically designed for alcoholics – but anyway that you get to God will also work.
Peace,
Danny S
http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com
Am I going to be fat forever?
I am 29 and I want badly to lose weight but I’m so scared that I’m too far gone, too old, etc. It sounds like I’m making excuses but is it even possible for someone to lose a substantial amount of weight at 29? People tell me I look small, but I’m disgusted with how I look. I’m only 5’6″ and I weigh over 140 lbs. Maybe it IS lack of willpower but I am bored to death and I think that boredom is making me fat. Lately I have been bored to death with my life, and I get depressed easily. When I’m profoundly depressed, I just lose my appetite completely and food nauseates me. this happened last fall and I lost 20 pounds within a couple months, and it is a miracle I’m still alive. But, when I’m just angry, tearful, or emotionally depressed, I turn to food. today is my last Saturday off for the next three months and I am going crazy because there’s nothing to do but sit at home. My life consists of home, and work, and I get depressed because I am so bored and lonely. I know that the cause of my weight problem is emotional. I’m from Florida, and I used to have a wonderful figure… when I lived there, whenever boredom or depression would strike, a walk on the beach would cure me. Now I live in High Point (North Carolina) and I am going crazy, there’s nothing to do in this town but rot. When I get frustrated and cry because it’s Saturday and I’m trapped at home, I dry my tears and grab the platter of tacos, and grab the McDonalds fishfilet, and drown my boredom in food. (I don’t drink because I’d surely become an alcoholic, because of my tendency to self-medicate and alcoholism runs rampant in my family) I am bored to death, and food has become a sort of drug to me when I’ve been crying or sad, I forget what was bothering me so much.
I would like to play a sport that I really love. I used to play soccer but I don’t know anyone around here my age that would play with me. I used to be really athletic, I used to ride horses, swim and I even achieved the rank of second-degree blue belt in taekwondo… but the problem is money. In November, I’m going to go abraod (to Spain) for some career training and every penny I earn goes to my trip (I work two jobs). My gym membership is 10 dollars a month but going to the gym is torture. I keep telling myself that I have something to look forward to in November (I’ve wanted to go to Spain all my life). But, the day to day monotony and loneliness is making me mental and eating crap is the only craving that I can give into. I have tried to give it up but I just go into withdrawal like an addict. I am so sick and tired of being fat and ugly and I want to lose the weight in time for my trip. I don’t want to be fat when I go to Spain because everyone knows all Spanish women are beutiful and I don’t want to stand out as the big fat hogger from melbourne. I’m so scared that it might be too late, that I’m too old.
It’s Saturday, and a beautiful day, and I’m trapped at home, bored and lonely… and then I have to work again on Tuesday and school starts in a couple weeks. I’ve had no vacation and i am grateful to have finally found a second job, but I’m stressed out because all I do is work like a dog and rot at home.
How can I lose weight when I’m 29 and have become dependent on food, out of boredom? I’m so sick of being a fat pig
If you can help me, thank you.
You’re not fat (Trust me), but don’t eat food like that… and try to go out some more and have fun
Book about how alcoholics think?
Can someone recommend a book about how alcoholics think? I’m not looking for something that explains it is a disease (I already know that) or something that is a self-help “cure” for alcoholism. I’m asking because a drunk driver killed my parents. We came to find out he has been an alcoholic for decades (bottles hidden from his wife, for example) and I want to understand his line of thinking. He thinks he is a victim in the accident too and it is not all his fault somehow. I’ve been searching Amazon but a book recommendation would be great.
Twerski, “Addictive Thinking”.
Please help, I’m afraid my councilor will tell my parents…?
Hi
i’m a fourteen year old girl, and i have been seeing a councilor at school for depression, self harm, alcoholism, suicide and insomnia. It sound like a lot but it all just merges into one, that’s just the best way i can explain it. I have kept this a secret from everyone, and this is how i like it. But my councilor said that it might be necessary for me to start taking antidepressants, which would firstly involve approval of my parents…
i am really sacred she is gunna tell on me and that my whole cover will be exposed!
What should i do? My family has enough on it’s plate as it is without me dumping my problems on them too! and no-matter how well it is explained to them they’re never going to see me in the same way as they used to, they’re gunna be ashamed – even scared – of me and i love them too much for them to see me that way. They are the only people in the world that i really care what they think about me…. i just know that if my councilor tells then the dynamics of our family will change for the worst and it’ll all be my fault!! What should i do?!
Your parent WILL NOT hate you; nothing will change in your family except you will get proper medical help and therapy. This is from someone who’s gone through all you have and still suffers from depression. Do you know Depression is a MEDICAL condition and not a mental one? It’s because the hormones in your brain are not balanced, medication from an appropriate doctor will help Get therapy at least once a week. Through therapy I found out the reason for my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. are because I hold everything in: things that make me angry, etc. Talking with a therapy spews out all the anger or other feelings that caused my conditions in fhe first place.
Your and your family don’t have to tell anyone else. I know, I was also very ashamed when I had severe depression, I didn’t tell any of my friends (not good especially if they are “True best friends.), but I DID TELL MY FAMILY FINALLY. They were more worried about me not having discussed it with them sooner. Never once did they think of me differently and never made me feel ashamed, and they continued to love me. Your parents LOVE you, you are their priority, especially since you are so young.
The dynamics of you family will be even closer and loving than it is now if you tell them and ask for their help. All things you are suffering from CAN HE HELPED AND EVENTUALLY ALLEVIATED COMPLETELY. Even alcoholism.
TELL PARENTS AND ASK FOR THE HELP YOU NEED.
THEY WILL NOT BE ASHAMED OF YOU
THEY WILL BE GLAD TO HELP YOU OUT
Their is NO SHAME in suffering from depression, insomnia, self-harn. Help yourself by asking for the help you need. You are so young and you should not carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You should be enjoying life being happy, joyful, having lots of friends, and participating in all the positive fun things 14 years old do now.
I can’t emphasize this enough:
TELL YOUR PARENT
ASK FOR THE HELP YOU NEED
YOUR FAMILY WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT AND PROVIDE THE HELP YOU NEED.
I wish you the best, young lady. Please the advice; you’ll be surprised by the outcome. I wish and pray for you asking and receiving the help you need. And for you to step by step alleviate these sufferings I’ve also experienced.
Um, HELP! Mental illness rollercoaster crisis?
OK I asked this a few days ago and got nothing back, thanks for that, so I’m trying again, PLEASE respond to this!
Ok, so it’s been one helluva mental illness rollercoaster for me just searching for a diagnosis more than anything, I got an online diagnosis of BPD, and then my psychiatrist ruled it out, saying she had no diagnosis for me… helpful… NOT! Although I’m quite convinced I have at least one personality disorder, if not PD NOS… read on…
Cliffnotes version: I have an overwhelming consumption of insecurities, that stop me living my normal life, because not a second goes by where I don’t think about what other people think of me – it’s a neverending loop in that because I’m so insecure, I try too hard, and say stupid things, or the wrong thing, or not enough, and subsequently am judged by my peers – causing me to feel more insecure.
I also have an incredibly consuming desperation for certain “Guardian Angels” which I come across in life to love me and comfort me, empathise, worry about me, care about me, and have deep meaningful conversations with me – these GAs (Guardian Angels) I tend to find in the form of sometimes a teacher, youth leader, mentor, big sister or mother figure, but never anyone too closely linked with my own family – I then go to every extreme imagineable to achieve these desires of being loved and comforted by these GAs, which have led to anorexia, self-harm, alcoholism, and most prominently, I got myself raped at the age of 14 (I’m 20 now), in order to achieve my goals with these GAs – got your attention yet?
I have wierd bondage and abuse related sexual fantasies, and have done from a significantly young age, however sex itself is never a pleasurable experience for me, in fact I have now developed an overwhelming fear of sex, which has caused me to react extensively to the slightest touch by men…
I have a pointless relationship with my family – I know my parents love me, but I do not love them, I don’t know why, but I never have, they’ve never done anything wrong as far as I remember – but I just don’t care about them at all, and have a recurring fear of them ever getting involved in my life. On top of this, I absolutely hate my dad, I feel uncomfortable whenever he is in the same room as me and am repulsed or aggrivated by his every move, again, I don’t know why, but have always felt this way.
On top of this, I am extremely Food Neophobic, diagnosed by paediatricians, and have attempted to overcome this continuously throughout my childhood, I think everyone just assumed I would grow out of it, but here I am, 20 years old, and I still only eat 4 different foods (margerita pizza, cheese sanwiches, cheeseburgers and chocolate) – this combined with my anorexia and addiction to cider, (On an average week I am currently drinking more cider than I am eating food) I am increasingly concerned for my health and well-being, and nobody seems to have the slightest clue what is wrong with me.
I have been on Citalopram which had absolutely no affect, and then Sertraline which again may as well be tic-tacs, and amitryptoline to help me with my insomnia which does in fact work – I have been in and out of counselling 4 times, all of which recommended I see a psychiatrist, it took me 4 months to convince my doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist, finally got there, only to hear that she will be of no help to me, is unable to diagnose me, and will refer me to psychotherapy, this is 3 months later, and I’m still waiting.
So what’s my question? What the hell is wrong with me? What might be possible causes for whatever is wrong with me? Is the food neophobia related to all of this or a seperate condition, and if seperate, what caused it? And What the hell am I supposed to do? It’s not like I’m not trying to get the appropriate help!
Also, I urge you not to focus too much on the rape or the eating problems as they are not the bigger problems here, the reasons behind them are
I would begin with trying to fix the problems that you can directly control–for instance your eating habits. The brain needs adequate nutrition to function properly, and quite frankly, cider is not going to cut it. Try to break yourself off from the poor eating habits. Trying finding healthier alternatives for the things that you like to eat. Even if you don’t like other types of food, just keep reminding yourself that eating healthier is the only way to improve your overall health. Eating something you don’t like is a small price to pay for good health.
You’re obviously concerned about physical appearance since you mentioned anorexia. Instead of starving yourself to lose weight, why not eat a balanced diet and then exercise to make your body the way you want it. Exercise, particularly cardiovascular exercise (ie treadmill), has been proven to dramatically improve mood and release tension. This could also help you to sleep better at night and to feel more rested and relaxed during the day.
As for the problems with your family and sex, I don’t know. But they can only get better if you try to follow the advice above.